Anything else just isn't tennis

Cycling to work on a sunny day - free. Tennis in Western Park - free. Dandelion and Burdock at number 27 - free. Badminton at Braunstone Leisure Centre - £2.85. Lucozade out of vending machine - £1.10.

Siting on a rocking chair in my bathroom typing blog whilst waiting to lower aching body into bath - priceless.

More tea vicar?

R and I went out for a meal after work to celebrate the fact that she is now the only person on her street with a British driving licence (i.e. everyone else is Polish).

We went to Zizzi's and washed down our Rissotos with Appletise(r), Apple Juice, a new cocktail called Tap Water and four pots of tea thorugout the night.

We were slightly paranoid that the young waitress would think we were a bit wierd/religious/boring for not drinking, so R explained, "We've given up alcohol for six weeks'.

"Well I've given up alcohol myself," the waitress replied and had an odd smug look on her face that we both read as "I'm pregnant".

She then explained that she'd simply not had a drink because she'd been working alot, and also her friends hadn't been up for a night out in all that time.

I felt vaguely sad for this urchin like waitress, until we witnessed her eating a spaghetti bolognese. It was not unlike the scene in Big when Tom Hanks and his bezza mate pretend to squirt silly string out of their noses in a hotel room.

There's always a reason that no-one invites you out for two months, love.

Drink Driving

Saw S on the bus this morning. "I have a suspicion that R has got her driving test today," I told her as we attempt to ascend the staircase whilst the bus hurtled towards town. This left us with a quandry - if R was indeed taking her test and passed, would we allow her to drink just for one day?

The answer was yes of course we would, and yes she passed too! We told her about her fall off the wagon free card, but R said no, she would feel like a cheat!

The will power is strong, in this one.

Non-alcoholic shandy

Today has not been too bad in the needing a drink stakes, but thanks to an RH brainwave, we did discover non-alcoholic shandies (eg shandy made by mixing lemonade with alc free Becks) at about half eight! Hurrah, they weren't they bad at all, and washed down R and M's homemade pork and shrimp dumplings (I was at work at DMH, not just being lazy).

Oh god, R has just started the whole, "Would you get your baps out for a million?" conversation, which is rough going at the best of times, let alone sober.

Work tomorrow, bye.

Two big tests

Forget A-levels, your SATs and your GCSEs, I have had two particluarly hard tests in the last couple of days.

Test 1. Out drinking with mates down Braunstone Gate.

Test 2. A pub, then rugby match, then pub, then Chinese restaurant combo.

Well I passed both tests, drinking a delightful mix of coke, ginger beer, coke, water, more coke and even a cheeky root beer on the way.

Having experienced drinking this shite for a week, the only non-alcoholic beverage I can even remotely recommend is an Australian selection called Bundaberg, and the only place you can get it (apart from over priced Farm Shops is www.ocado.com). I am not being sponsored by Waitrose or Bundaberg, I am just absolutely at a loss as to what teetotallers might drink for pleasure, apart from tea (tee?).

PS for the historical record both Leicester City and Leicester Tigers have finished top of their respective leagues. Next time I am really bored I will look up when this last happened.

A country pub without beer is like a City match without a Matty Fryatt Goal. Discuss.

Did two things today that I have never done without a couple of jars (no, not that you pervs):

1) A pub quiz. We came 4th. Am I cleverer when I drink? Can I speak properer English* when I have been drinking?

2) Had a drink in a Country Pub. Bleeding Appletise** again.

As this is the closest I have come to an experiment since science at Anstey Martin with Mr Pinks, I feel the need to make a scientific observation - since Monday I have been waking up at half six/ quarter to seven without the alarm going off. What's that about? I also have a cold sore. Great - I am gonna get a T-Shirt printed, "I gave up booze and all I got was this lousy herpes."

Right, pausin from typin to weigh self, drumroll please................................

Another pound gained!!!!!!! What? I blame it on the particularly large earrings I am wearing today. Wait a minute I am just wearing studs. To quote Bulldog from Frasier, "This stinks!! This is total BS!!"

*Speaking of English, Happy St George's Day.
** It was called Appletise last time I was a non-drinker (i.e. at the age of 13). They've added the 'r' to confuse me.

PS - Visit this link. Why has a journalist called Elizabeth Goodman written an article for Rolling Stone called 'Songs about beer'?-I am jealous of this bitch on so many levels! http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2006/09/27/playlist-of-the-day-songs-about-beer/

3 pounds a lady

So ,you give up alchohol, you cycle into work three days in a row, you play tennis and even walk a dog despite not liking dogs very much. What happens? You put on three pounds.

And you can't even drown your sorrows in a pint.

Toosdeh

Weighed self this morning. I weigh more than Kylie Minogue, and less than a Polar Bear - lets leave it there.

First night 'out' - dinner round S's - curry and stuff. I ran the bar, keeping on top of the Apple Crush and lemonade orders like a natural. I have drunk so many fizzy drinks that I feel like the reverse of the boy in the bubble.

Still, the good news is:

a) We can still have mad conversations when sober as a judge - ranging from a hedgehog with a fat lip (this stems from R's pineapple allergy) to what would be the best way to send an SOS message when trapped in a basement (morse code or simply to hum Abba's SOS down the phone).

b) We are embracing our sporty sides - playing tennis (tonight), badminton (next wed) and rugby (a week on tues).

c) That's it for good news.

Dot dot dot - dash dash - bleedin dot dot dot.

The first day

I decided not to 'blog' up until I gave up booze (partly because logging how much I drink is borderline disturbing) but just write about it during the barren 6 week stretch itself. In the meantime I have somehow been joined in my quest by 3 friends and a significant other. We are all giving £15 each to the British Liver Trust, with a £45 buy out fee if you cop out, or even have a drink during that time.

T gave up on Saturday and lasted half an hour at a party sans alchohol, leaving early, R was supposed to give up the same night, but a family Christening drove her to postpone the 6 weeks until today. We had even been out to that pub Taps where you pour your own beer to commerate R's last night as a lush.

It was agreed that food with alchohol in is allowed, though (as blank pointed out) chicken in red wine will take on a whole new form round at ours now, a few chicken nuggets floating round in a bowl full of Shiraz.

Finally, S is putting it off till after the Bank Holiday, which means we will be back drinking a whole two weeks before her. Me and M gave up last night, following an away rugby game, where we consumed several pints of lager and Guinness.

Following my first alchohol free day, I can confirm:

1) Appletiser in wine glasses tastes the same as Appletiser in any glass
2) Appletiser falsely advertises on the bottle by claiming to induce 'pure pleasure'. It clearly does not.
3) Bundaberg, an Australian Ginger Beer which comes in 'stubbies', is rather nice, but frankly, the £1.50 per bottle price tag means it is twice as expensive as a can of Carlsberg so I will not be drinking it in any quantity.

Over the next six weeks I will try and write every day, cheering myself up by recording how much I weigh which with any luck will dwindle. I will even have to go to the Millennium Stadium and watch Cardiff V Leicester Tigers stone cold bleeding sober. It can be done.